The last little while has been a bit challenging as God has had me working through why I don't like to rest while I was also battling lies about insignificance and feeling unappreciated. The challenge has been that I've been trying to figure out what the "root" of these issues are, only to conclude that for the most part they are just lies and all I need to do is keep my focus on the Lord and ignore the rest of the noise.
As for the rest part, I seem to be going around this mountain one more time. And while it is a process/journey, I have determined that this is the last time I'm going around this mountain and Papa God and I are going figure out what my "rest" looks like. Part of this journey included writing a Psalm as a homework assignment, and I thought I would share it here for those who are interested:
A psalm of Heidi, calling the soul to rest
Be still my soul and rest in the Lord
How many times has He demonstrated that His perfect plan is at work in and through you?
He has trained me up in the knowledge of Him
From my earliest days my heart has yearned to know the Lord my God
Following each religious act that some well-intentioned leader has suggested I do
Rising early to search the scriptures
Filling journals with longings, prayers, and cries
Serving the church in every way imaginable
Yet in spite of all of my hard work, I felt You could not be found
And so I turned away from the God I longed to know
Seeking the pleasures of the world, hoping they could fill my longing to be known
But my spirit knew the truth my soul could not see.
That my God was always there patiently longing for me
to stop long enough to look into His face
He would not allow me to turn from Him
Instead quietly wooed me back to Himself
In my rebellion, free from religion,
My Lord, My God drew me back to into His loving embrace
For the first time I saw that I had never left His arms,
Rather I was so busy with my religious activities
I did not recognize the quiet calling of my Savior, my Friend, my Father, my Love
As He washed the filth of religion from my eyes,
I began to see who He had created me to be
He has called me His own daughter, His princess
I am His bride, He is my bridegroom
Forever in His heart whether I feel it or not.
And so, my soul, why are you downcast?
Why do you allow emotions to dictate what you perceive as truth?
Stop searching, stop trying, stop doing.
Be still my soul and know He is God
And there remember the mighty works He has done in you.
Rest my soul, be still
For it is in that place that your eyes are open to see the one your soul desires
And there love reigns in the presence of peace
Be still my soul and know YOUR GOD