Well, that changed this week. I was meeting with my small group on Wednesday and we were talking about the fact that as believers, we have been adopted by God as His children (Romans 8:15). This means I am a daughter of the King of Kings, and the daughter of a king is princess! 1 Peter 2:9 calls it being a "royal priest." I had heard all of this before, but when I was talking with the other girls in my small group, I finally seemed to grasp the concept that I was royalty and that my identity of being royal had been under attack since I was a kid in Grade 3!
As we were praying together, I began to see myself in a new light - my royal traits became apparent to me for the first time.It was as if Windex was being taken to the mirror I use to view myself and all of the guck and grime was being cleaned off and I was starting to see the real me for the first time. First of all, I'm quite tall and often wear heels and try to carry myself confidently (previously this had been a facade to attempt to portray my confidence) - but now i recognize this that I have royal bearing. Secondly I'm quite strong - physically and mentally; an indication of royal strength. Third, I have always been very academic, typically at the top of my class, and I feel this is a sign of royal intellect. Lastly, the meaning of the name Heidi is "Noble" - so my name in and of itself testifies to my royal lineage.
As part of this - the song The Anthem by Jake Hamilton has become a declaration of my new found identity.Particularly the refrain which repeats:
I am Royalty
I have destiny
I have been set free
I'm gonna shake history
More than anything, all of this is an internal shift of how I view myself and how I want to approach life going forward. I am realizing that insecurities no longer have a place in my life. This is not meant to be boastful or arrogant, but rather a recognition of whom I have been all along, and instead of trying to bury that, embracing my identity and learning to walk in it.
Perhaps it is time to watch The Princess Diaries.......