Sunday, October 28, 2012

Walking as Royalty

It seems that a focus of school thus far has been on reshaping and reestablishing my identity. I have had lots of people tell me about the characteristics that I have, but I have always had difficulty accepting these as really true of me. I have been reluctant to step into these things, because my thought was, "who am I that I think I can do all of that, or be those things."

Well, that changed this week. I was meeting with my small group on Wednesday and we were talking about the fact that as believers, we have been adopted by God as His children (Romans 8:15). This means I am a daughter of the King of Kings, and the daughter of a king is princess! 1 Peter 2:9 calls it being a "royal priest." I had heard all of this before, but when I was talking with the other girls in my small group, I finally seemed to grasp the concept that I was royalty and that my identity of being royal had been under attack since I was a kid in Grade 3!

As we were praying together, I began to see myself in a new light - my royal traits became apparent to me for the first time.It was as if Windex was being taken to the mirror I use to view myself and all of the guck and grime was being cleaned off and I was starting to see the real me for the first time. First of all, I'm quite tall and often wear heels and try to carry myself confidently (previously this had been a facade to attempt to portray my confidence) - but now i recognize this that I have royal bearing. Secondly I'm quite strong - physically and mentally; an indication of royal strength. Third, I have always been very academic, typically at the top of my class, and I feel this is a sign of royal intellect. Lastly, the meaning of the name Heidi is "Noble" - so my name in and of itself testifies to my royal lineage.

As part of this - the song The Anthem by Jake Hamilton has become a declaration of my new found identity.Particularly the refrain which repeats:
I am Royalty
I have destiny
I have been set free
I'm gonna shake history

More than anything, all of this is an internal shift of how I view myself and how I want to approach life going forward. I am realizing that insecurities no longer have a place in my life. This is not meant to be boastful or arrogant, but rather a recognition of whom I have been all along, and instead of trying to bury that, embracing my identity and learning to walk in it. 

Perhaps it is time to watch The Princess Diaries.......

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Pull on the strings of my heart

"Pull on the strings of my heart, for I long to respond to you."

That has been my cry to the Lord since my second week here at BSSM.

Monday September 17 and Tuesday September 18 have become landmark days in my relationship with the Lord. The details of these days are far too intimate and personal for me to share in this space, and to be honest, I still am unable to comprehend what took place. I do know, however, that the Lord began a work within me, and I will not be the same again.

 Around here it is very common to hear people say "Holy Spirit told me...." "I feel the Lord telling me to tell you....." "I saw a picture of a..." "The Lord gave me a dream last night..." This isn't just the odd person here or there, it is something that is understood to be accessible to everyone. One of the books we were given to read is called "Hosting the Presence" by Bill Johnson, and it clearly demonstrates that the Presence of God (aka the Holy Spirit) is to be an active part of every believer's life. One thing I do know about the event I mentioned, is that I received a taste of this, and now all I want is more of the Lord. My deepest desire is to know Him in an intimate and personal way. I fully believe this is something that is available to me and is the nature of the relationship the Lord wants to have with me as well.

That is the best I can articulate what has been going on with me during this "construction" phase. The Lord is definitely working on things in me, and I will do my best to communicate what I feel I can share as things are revealed to me.

In closing, here are 2 songs that I find clearly express my heart's desire. The first is "Draw Near" and it is where the line from the beginning of the post came from. The second song is "The More I Seek You." I heard this song during worship for the first time yesterday and when I sang the chorus yesterday, my heart screamed within me "this is what I desire!

Draw Near

The More I Seek You